Intro

So I decided to start this blog as a way to communicate my feelings. To recount the moments, the emotions, the thoughts that run through my body, mind and soul. I never thought having a baby would require so much work. You get this idea in your head that all it takes it just 1 time, 1 oops and you are on your way to motherhood. So what happens when just 1 time turns into hundreds of times, hundreds of oops and no baby to follow? How do you make sense of the notion that there are actually accidental pregnancies, unplanned but totally invited. You begin to question if that is even possible. How can their "unplanned" timing be so perfect, while you sit with your thermometer in your mouth every morning, charting temperatures, charting CM, CP, any slight change in your bodily functions..and you've planned it perfectly, timed it "just right" and still...BFN. Month after month the reality of not becoming a parent creeps up on you slowly. You start questioning why this is happening, "do I really want to go through this all?", "Is it really worth it in the end?" Then you shake yourself out of your doom and gloom and remind yourself that it is all worth it. That you will be a better parent for it, for all the longing you've endured, the tears, the procedures, the dr's appointments...it will all make sense...someday