Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother



Author Unknown



There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

God, If You're Listening....

I need you to please hear my prayer. I need you to really listen and to work your miracle. You see, I have a very special woman in my life who is currently 20 weeks pregnant. This woman came to be in moments of great despair in my life. When I had given up all hopes of ever becoming a mother, you sent her to me. I know you did. You created a friendship, through the common bond of infertility, you created a friendship through the common bond of Hashimoto's. Well God, today I got some really horrible news from her about her ultrasound. It appears her baby girl has an encephalocele in the back of her head and worst case scenario is she dies before birth. Lord, I really don't want to doubt your capabilities, and I really don't want to be angry with you but I just can't for the life of me understand why all of these horrible things are happening to such good women. There are so many women who abuse their children, who leave their babies in garbage pails or at the entries of hospitals and fire stations. So many 15 year old pregnant girls without any means of taking care of their children. Yet you save these children, and you take away the wanted children from Mother's who are good and kind, mother's who have tried so hard to become pregnant. Why do you do this Lord? Why must my friends suffer? Why did you take my baby away too? Isn't infertility enough of a struggle? Haven't we paid with our tears? Why isn't it enough for you? When will this all make sense?

I am pleading with you, as I tears pour down my face that you please, please, please save her baby.

So He Heard My Prayer....

I asked God to give me just a little hope. To make things just a little bit easier on me. I needed some relief from all that is going on...he heard my prayers.

Firstly, I recieved my bloodwork results. Not my thyroid, but cholesterol, insulin, triglycerides and testosterone is pending. I basically call this my PCOS blood work.

So all my bloodwork in the past indicated PCOS..elevated triglycerides, low HDL (good cholesterol)levels, high LDL, slightly elevated testosterone..

Well ladies and gentleman..as of most recently my triglycerides have gone from 300+ down to 133 (NORMAL RANGE!!)

My HDL has increased from 38 to 43. 50 is normal, so I am on my way.

Total cholesterol is slightly borderline, but that is okay..I am like 2 numbers away from normal range.

Testosterone wasn't back yet..
and the best news ever....

I am not Insulin Resistant!!!! Which explains why Metformin never worked for me. I stopped it immediately and feel so much better. It always gave me anxiety.

And today is Cycle Day 15 and I got a positive OPK!!!

I pray this is the begining of a new chapter in my life!