I am so so so tired of hearing about people being pregnant. Every time I find out someone else is pregnant my heart just breaks a little more. I am so thrilled for them, but incredibly sad for myself. I have done everything that I am supposed to do to get pregnant, my reward was a miscarriage and 30lbs.
I was told I should quit smoking- so I did...June 25th was the last time I smoked a cigarette. It has been 7 months. I have not had 1 single slip up, I went completely cold turkey. I started clomid that following Saturday, 50mgs, that was the doozy cycle. 2 cycles later and I was pregnant. 1 week later and I wasn't any longer.
So this is what I have resorted to in my latest efforts to hopefully get knocked up miraculously on my own.
1- Gave up carbs..no bread, pasta, rice, sugar, flour, potatoes, corn, peas, carrots etc.
2- Gave up caffeine..no coffee, no soda, nothing.
3- Started back up on Metformin
4- Taking my synthroid religiously
5- Taking 200mg of Selenium
6- Taking Tonalin CLA
I have lost 12lbs since January 19th. This is good progress but nowhere where I need to be. I hope February comes with a 15-20lb loss, I will even settle for 10 if I have to.
On March 3rd I want to walk into my Endocrinologist's office and have him see me have lost 25-35lbs. 13lbs more for the least and 23 for the later..I am sure it will be the lesser amount. But still 25lb loss is great.
Okay I am off to order myself a salad. Yummy!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
10lbs!!!
I've lost 10lbs!!!! So exciting, thrilling, I am feeling so optimistic..and I have my period on top of it, so hopefully when my period is over I will actually be a little less!
10lbs til 1st goal
25lbs til 2nd goal until possible clomid again
35lbs til 3rd goal and possible IVF!
45lbs til 4th goal
55lbs til final goal of weight from 6 years ago!
10lbs til 1st goal
25lbs til 2nd goal until possible clomid again
35lbs til 3rd goal and possible IVF!
45lbs til 4th goal
55lbs til final goal of weight from 6 years ago!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Wishes
Wishes
© By Melissa A. Mullally`
Wishes are meant for you to ponder, they pass along to someone in need, or can be kept all to ourselves. Wishes are sincere in belief that all our hopes and dreams are within reach.
My wishes for you are my own'..They are an everlasting trust that miracles happen and dreams really do come true. Understood is the value of a nurturing heart, the innocence of a child's eyes and the wisdom of an aging hand.
I wish that the morning sky will forever intrigue you and the stardust of the night will captivate you. I wish that you will always see the man in the moon and entrust him with your deepest secrets.
I wish for you a creative spirit that dusts your imagination with youthful dreams and opens you to wonderful surprises just waiting to happen.
I wish for you to yearn for nothing and find contentment from within. That you will always know what to say to a friend, that your compassion will heal, and many more names will be etched in your heart.
© By Melissa A. Mullally`
Wishes are meant for you to ponder, they pass along to someone in need, or can be kept all to ourselves. Wishes are sincere in belief that all our hopes and dreams are within reach.
My wishes for you are my own'..They are an everlasting trust that miracles happen and dreams really do come true. Understood is the value of a nurturing heart, the innocence of a child's eyes and the wisdom of an aging hand.
I wish that the morning sky will forever intrigue you and the stardust of the night will captivate you. I wish that you will always see the man in the moon and entrust him with your deepest secrets.
I wish for you a creative spirit that dusts your imagination with youthful dreams and opens you to wonderful surprises just waiting to happen.
I wish for you to yearn for nothing and find contentment from within. That you will always know what to say to a friend, that your compassion will heal, and many more names will be etched in your heart.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Rest In Peace Baby Gabby
This is considerably one of the most heart-wrenching days I have experienced and I am not even the one experiencing it.
Today a woman with whom I share the bond that only women who suffer from infertility share lost her precious 2 month old daughter. G was born with CDH and fought through surgery and recovery as hard as she possibly could. At 10 weeks old this beautiful baby could not fight anymore and she passed away. My heart is so broken for L, for S and for G's twin sister N.
It is a sad day for the girls who have gone through this entire journey with L, we are all incredibly devastated by this tragic outcome.
My only hope is that the prayers we all say will reach L and that as hard as this must be on her and her DH and their entire family that she can heal from this, and that G will forever live on in spirit.
My heart is with you, tonight, tomorrow and for every day that you need it.
May angels watch over you, may God be your strength.
Today a woman with whom I share the bond that only women who suffer from infertility share lost her precious 2 month old daughter. G was born with CDH and fought through surgery and recovery as hard as she possibly could. At 10 weeks old this beautiful baby could not fight anymore and she passed away. My heart is so broken for L, for S and for G's twin sister N.
It is a sad day for the girls who have gone through this entire journey with L, we are all incredibly devastated by this tragic outcome.
My only hope is that the prayers we all say will reach L and that as hard as this must be on her and her DH and their entire family that she can heal from this, and that G will forever live on in spirit.
My heart is with you, tonight, tomorrow and for every day that you need it.
May angels watch over you, may God be your strength.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
To IVF or Not...
I had my follow up appointment with my endocrinologist in regards to my thyroid, and while Synthroid has definitely helped, I am still not at optimal level.
My TSH has gone from 3.39 to 2.02, which is a great improvement, however, for a successful pregnancy it should be between 0.5/1-2, and closer to 1 is always better.
One of the antibodies tests did not come back, the one that is most dire to my health is still being tested. Apparently it takes a longer time than the other tests.
My Antithyroglobulin levels have gone from 202 to 166. Not great but any improvement is an improvement in my book.
The Thyroid Peroxidase is the one that has not returned yet. That was 6,404 in November. I pray it has gone down..It just has to or I will continue to miscarry subsequent pregnancies, not 100% the case but the odds are surely stacked against me.
The Dr. increased my synthroid dosage to 100mcg. I took my first pill this morning and honestly I feel somewhat different already..is that even possible?
He also wants me back on Metformin, but I have to go for blood work tomorrow morning while fasting to check insulin levels. Then I can come home and restart my Metformin.
As far as TTC goes, I am on a mandated break again.... sigh until at least March 3rd, when I have my follow up appointment.
Then I may just do IVF. I am playing with the idea. Our insurance covers it. So why not do it? I figured I could do that and take baby aspirin, heparin etc to help with autoimmune antibodies.
This is something I am going to discuss with my RE again. We still have to get blood work done to rule out clotting disorders and karyotyping tests and I am also going to request one of those super semen analyses.
So that is what it is...a break again..and in the meantime I am dieting, going to exercise, I hope to be 30lbs lighter by March 3rd. I know I can do it, as long as I try hard.
Current medication:
100mcg Synthroid
500mg of Metformin once daily, will be upped to BID after two weeks
200mg of Selenium (to reduce antibodies)
My TSH has gone from 3.39 to 2.02, which is a great improvement, however, for a successful pregnancy it should be between 0.5/1-2, and closer to 1 is always better.
One of the antibodies tests did not come back, the one that is most dire to my health is still being tested. Apparently it takes a longer time than the other tests.
My Antithyroglobulin levels have gone from 202 to 166. Not great but any improvement is an improvement in my book.
The Thyroid Peroxidase is the one that has not returned yet. That was 6,404 in November. I pray it has gone down..It just has to or I will continue to miscarry subsequent pregnancies, not 100% the case but the odds are surely stacked against me.
The Dr. increased my synthroid dosage to 100mcg. I took my first pill this morning and honestly I feel somewhat different already..is that even possible?
He also wants me back on Metformin, but I have to go for blood work tomorrow morning while fasting to check insulin levels. Then I can come home and restart my Metformin.
As far as TTC goes, I am on a mandated break again.... sigh until at least March 3rd, when I have my follow up appointment.
Then I may just do IVF. I am playing with the idea. Our insurance covers it. So why not do it? I figured I could do that and take baby aspirin, heparin etc to help with autoimmune antibodies.
This is something I am going to discuss with my RE again. We still have to get blood work done to rule out clotting disorders and karyotyping tests and I am also going to request one of those super semen analyses.
So that is what it is...a break again..and in the meantime I am dieting, going to exercise, I hope to be 30lbs lighter by March 3rd. I know I can do it, as long as I try hard.
Current medication:
100mcg Synthroid
500mg of Metformin once daily, will be upped to BID after two weeks
200mg of Selenium (to reduce antibodies)
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