Ahh...I am cringing...
I'd have sworn I would be a Mom by now..I hope and pray that I am a Mother this year..I have literally 3 months to get pregnant in order to have a 2009 baby..
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Missing My Angel
Tonight is not a good night. Tonight is a night that comes in full rush, it comes occassionally but when it comes it hurts.
Tonight I miss my angel. The life that was growing inside me for such a short while, but I miss all the things my angel would have been, my child.
I often think of how I would be feeling right now. I can't believe I would have been 15 weeks and 2 days, knowing that breaks my heart. Just a few more weeks and I would have known what gender my baby was. I would've been able to pick out nursery decor, pick out names and by now I would be feeling my baby kick.
Instead I have an empty womb...and the only thing I feel is kicks to my heart.
I never in a million years thought that my first child would never even make it into this world..I never thought I would be a mommy to an angel.
Sometimes I feel like such an ass for feeling this way, when my miscarriage was so early on, but other times I feel like because I have gone through so much to have conceived that child, for it to be taken away is so painful...
Tonight is not a good night..I was reading one of my favorite authors book of poetry and I can't help but recite these few words:
Miracle- by Jewel Kilcher
Listen!
Do you hear it?
I do
I can feel it.
I expect a miracle is coming.
It has set loose this restlessness
inside of me.
Expect it.
Dream about it.
Give birth to it in your being.
Know! Something good
is coming down the line.
Finding its way to you
like all things find their way
to god's chidren.
Listen!
Tonight I miss my angel. The life that was growing inside me for such a short while, but I miss all the things my angel would have been, my child.
I often think of how I would be feeling right now. I can't believe I would have been 15 weeks and 2 days, knowing that breaks my heart. Just a few more weeks and I would have known what gender my baby was. I would've been able to pick out nursery decor, pick out names and by now I would be feeling my baby kick.
Instead I have an empty womb...and the only thing I feel is kicks to my heart.
I never in a million years thought that my first child would never even make it into this world..I never thought I would be a mommy to an angel.
Sometimes I feel like such an ass for feeling this way, when my miscarriage was so early on, but other times I feel like because I have gone through so much to have conceived that child, for it to be taken away is so painful...
Tonight is not a good night..I was reading one of my favorite authors book of poetry and I can't help but recite these few words:
Miracle- by Jewel Kilcher
Listen!
Do you hear it?
I do
I can feel it.
I expect a miracle is coming.
It has set loose this restlessness
inside of me.
Expect it.
Dream about it.
Give birth to it in your being.
Know! Something good
is coming down the line.
Finding its way to you
like all things find their way
to god's chidren.
Listen!
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