Holding On To Faith

I cannot believe that finally I can say that I am PREGNANT! When I seen those two pink lines my heart stopped. Time froze, I shook, it was unlike any feeling I have ever had. When it was confirmed with a blood test, I started crying immediately. Then my heart sank when the nurse told me that my levels were low and that I needed to come in every 48 hrs to monitor the rise. Well on 13dpo my levels were 15, and on 15dpo they were 28, this is a doubling percentage of 87%, they look for 66% rise in 48-72 hours. My average doubling time is 53 hours. While I wish I could say I am out of the woods it is far from safe just yet. The numbers are still relatively low and I am praying that this is not an ectopic pregnancy and that somehow my baby will stay with us and continue to grow, in the right place- in my womb. I have prayed to God so many times in the last few days that I am positive he is sick of hearing from me. I want this baby to be healthy, and if he/she is not healthy they belong with God and I will learn to accept that this was his will. I am not selfish enough to want a sick and suffering baby just to satisfy my desire to have a child. I want a child that will thrive, grow and become the best human being they could. That is all I hope for.


Somehow, I just hope that these levels although low, mean nothing negative and that my little boobie is just taking his sweet time multiplying. I hope this is the case. If he is anything like his Mommy than I already understand why he is being a procrastinator.

On a more serious note:
My Professor is going through Chemotherapy. She wears a scarf on her head and through this she remains so positive and so full of smiles. I have to admit sitting there today really put things back into perspective for me. At least I am healthy ya know, regardless of what is going to happen with this pregnancy, things could be worse, a lot worse and I am thankful they aren't. I am continuing to pray to God that everything works out and my little pickle gets to stay with us, but if not, I know there is hope for another time. As hard as it is to say that, it is the truth. I am not giving up though, I am holding on to every bit of hope I have. I have to, it is afterall my baby